On Emotional Maturity

I may (finally) be growing up. Here are some obvious signs of my maturity. First, I have hair on my genitalia. Also, I have hair on my back. I have no hair on my head. And, more importantly, my hopeless romantic t.c has given way to a more out-spoken, slightly less dignified, simple but mature t.c.

Where once I would say, “You, my love, are alluring. For in your embrace I find peace, pure and unblemished by life’s tragedies. Let our passions merge!”

Now has become…

“Shut up and let’s pork!”