Me

I'll try to paint you a self portrait. I'm 6'2 and slightly overweight. (Truthfully, the word "slightly" should be removed from the last sentence) I use to be in fairly decent shape, however, recent years have not been so kind. I'm balding on top. All of my hair seems to be falling off my head and taking up residence on my back. My eyes are deep-set blue. My goatee is often trimmed crooked. Not on purpose. But, at some point I have to stop the morning cycle of alternating shaving down the left and right sides in a failed attempt to attain symmetry.

I'm 27 years old, but if age were measured by emotional maturity, I'm guessing I would still be a teenager. Probably an early teen. I'm often impulsive, have little self discipline, and am particularly fond of Doritos. I'd like to think of myself as witty. My cousin insists that I am only funny one day per month. I refer to it as my "funny period." And by period I mean...well, I'm hoping you catch the inference.

My toes are extremely hairy.

A Tribute...

I don't claim to be a talented writer. However, I do attribute any abilities in this area to two individuals. First, my creative writer teacher in high school. He was a self-proclaimed communist. He was very tall, I'm guessing around 6'5. His glasses were outlined with thick, black frames and his hair was shoulder-lengthed and silver. (In retrospect, I'm guessing he attended Woodstock). He encouraged me to write about new things. Crazy, insane things. We wrote one essay on the three perspectives of looking at a pencil. Another involved being the driver in a car crash where our torsos were impaled on the steering column upon impact. As a junior in high school, I thought he was scary and odd. But, looking back, I learned a lot.

I'd also like to give some credit to my creative writing professor in college. I'm not sure if I actually learned anything in that class. However, I did get a chance to create a portfolio that included extremely controversial writings. I wrote openly about my sexual experiences, binge drinking episodes, personal philosophies, and thoughts about the mentally challenged. Did I mention that I attended a small conservative Christian college? Also, during my creative writing class time, I learned to take my underwear off without taking off my shorts. Talk about a resume builder...

So, without any reservations, I'd like to say a big thanks to Mr. Spare and Mr. Paperclips. (Their names have been altered to protect their anonymity.)

A Matter of Feeling

How does it feel when everyone surrounds you?
How do you deal? Do crowds just make you feel lonely?
What do you say when people come and try to pin you down?

Acquaintances smile, but there's no understanding--
How after a while, you keep falling off the same mountain...
Try to explain it...nothing really gets them that high...

Steal away in the morning
Love's already history to you...
It's a habit you're forming
This body's desperate for something new...
Just a matter of feeling,
This moment's madness sure to pass...
And tears will dry as you're leaving
Who knows, you might find something to last...

Emotion's a game, saved up for a rainy Monday--
But you laugh just the same--'cos it's been pourin' on sunday...
Call up your numbers, never let the zeroes bring you down...
How does it feel? Is time too heavy to hold?
Whatever you decide, for the the moment is holy...
Whenever you slow down--
To see life is passing by...

I admit that I am a fan of Duran Duran. I spent many of my childhood years analyzing their lyrics that, upon further review in my adult years, don't really mean anything. Sure they sounded "neat." But, I never really understood the intent or the emotion that Simon LeBon was attempting to convey. However, this song, the exception.

I do keep falling off the same mountain. Time is too heavy to hold. My body is depreate for something new. I do feel lonely in crowds.

That's who I am. That's how I feel...NOT.

That's a bunch of dookie. Duran Duran was crazy.

Underwear Philosophy

I haven't always been capable of looking outside myself. In fact, it has taken a purposeful effort. I, like many humans, am selfish in nature. At some point as a young adult, I was able to look at other perspectives. Perhaps I don't mean look, but actually think critically at other worldviews.

I spent a good portion of my life taking care of myself. I spent another good portions of my life attempting (and often times succeeding) to manipulate people and circumstances. I assure you that I have my reasons to justify my efforts. However, I will fight the urge to recite my childhood stories of latch-key trauma. Instead, I admit my complete failure at attempting to control my life and it's outcomes. I've learned through my life that the more I attempt to control, the less likely I am to attain my desired result.

Life is what it is. It's a beast. A wild ride around the sun that has few certainties. We are certain that...1. The sun will rise. 2. Change is certain. 3. At the end of each day, no matter how hard I try, my underwear will mysteriously produce amazingly odiferous skid marks, even though I sometimes go through the entire work days without going number two.

Therein lies the mystery. (No not in my stained undies). Walking, talking, breathing, loving, existing in a world that often times seems senseless.

CYA

Before I go any further, I need it to be known that the title of this blog is not an original. The title actually comes from lyrics of a music group called Over the Rhine. They are amazing artists, and I would encourage anyone reading this to check out their music. And, if by some odd chance that legal counsel for Over the Rhine are reading this blog, I in no way intend to make any money from this blog. Your clients were just able to utilize words far better than I, to capture the essence of my vision..

And so it began...

I am not sure what prompted my sudden journey into the world of blogging. I would like to think it was due to an innate desire to convey the wisdom I've learned during my personal journey. However, more likely, I am seeking peace. An opportunity for me to have a dialogue with myself. A chance to take a look outside myself, and make sense of a world that often times appears senseless...