On the road again...

I have recently driven from my home in the Midwest to Florida for a visit. I have traveled across the country several times, but this trip has been particularly interesting. Here are some of my observations and lessons learned from my trip thus far:

1. Tornado warnings are (generally) legitimate. If you hear a tornado warning on the radio, there is a chance that one is coming…right at you.
2. The entire state of Tennessee smells like beef jerky.
3. Turning your lights out while driving 70 mph down the highway isn’t always a bad thing.
4. Exit 119 off I-75 in Georgia is an exit for Vienna Pitts. I think this is a great name for a freeway exit, and an even better name for a female porn star.
5. Female truckers are a particularly attractive people group.
6. Drive thru’s in the south tightly pack ice into your cup, as to only allow room for 1 oz of beverage.
7. German women do not wear deodorant.
8. Country music is big in the south…weird huh?
9. Nitrogen-filled tires rock my world!
10. Unlike Tennessee, northern Georgia smells like tuna. Oh, and so do German women.

I am sure I will have much more to share about my trip soon.

Don't Miss It!

Come one, Come all!!

To the training carnival!
See the fire-pie-breathing man!
See the bearded clam lady!
Clowns, rides, and hot carnies,

There wil be prizes, fun and...

chicken pot pies!

Since I've Been Gone...

I apologize for my absence. I know it has been some time since my last post. I have been crazy busy. Here is a list of things that I’ve been doing since I last posted:

1. Telling an emaciated barfly she needed a biscuit.
2. Getting job offers from metro-sexual strangers after watching my sales performance from afar.
3. Waving.
4. Watching a midnight colonoscopy.
5. Yelling, “Bring forth the bearded clam!” to homeless women. Or were they pirates?
6. Contacting my old shrinks, only to discover they never thought I was funny. (Bastards)
7. Watching a parade of tractors.
8. Creating a new candle scent... Freshly Laundered Semen Stains.
9. Avoiding having to use CPR again. (Come on, how many times do I really NEED to do that.)
10. Dreaming of riding the Latino Express.
11. Promoting iWork-Curiousity.