He's no Corey Feldman, but I Still Tried to Hump Him.

Even though I have not yet revealed my name (and oh, the emails asking for my true identity seem endless), I have decided to give my reader(s?) a quick glimpse of what I look like.

So, here is photo of me. (And a fat, bald man in a blue shirt holding me after I just tried to hump the shit out of his leg.)

Just a Warning

Beware of the Nannysaurus Rex. She will cut you. I'm serious.

Fuck the Whales. Save Me!

Desperate times call for desperate measures...

I have recently joined the ranks of the under-employed, and am now looking to free myself from the corn-bondage of the Midwest. The time has come for me to fly far from here. I need a change.

This is not to say that I don’t love my family and friends who live in this area. I certainly do. But there is little else for me here (although we did just get a Sonic, and the very notion that I am mentioning that as a highlight within this vast culinary wasteland only serves to lend further support to my need to leave). As someone who has traveled extensively for work in the past, and lived in such cities as New Orleans, Houston, Atlanta, Las Vegas, and Orlando, I need new air to breathe.

TC is starting a new fundraising campaign. The campaign is called, “Footloose and Farm-Free!” I will move to either coast or any European country. I am accepting financial donations and/or any job leads. Rumor has it that Justin Timberlake may be hosting a benefit dinner to help raise funds. I am also offering my services as a male stripper or adult film star if anyone is interested. I will also give handjobs for cash on a limited basis...

Seriousness

I have been in a serious, self-reflective mood lately. No better evidence lies below- with my feeble attempt at poetry. I often struggle with whether or not to post my writings. Some are deeply personal, some emotional, most quite terrible, but after much deliberation, I will post several of them. I will win no Pulitzer. I write what I feel-simple and raw. I know no other way.

Momentum

Waxing moon,
Tinted slightly golden,
covering endless mire,
withdrawing into shadow.
In a dream,
gathering energy
for my next step,
I inhale.
Exhale.
Doubt will
Leave my mind
for the sanctity
of moonlight.
Open eyes,
the swamplands
smell organic,
raw with wet earth.
My fist unclenches,
releasing the stone
to reunite with water.
In a predictable way,
a circle, a ripple,
toward my leg.
Bringing momentum.

Special Announcement

Someone actually reads my blog. Who knew?

It has inspired me to write more. Look for more frequent posts in the days and weeks ahead.