Holiday Cheer

Christmas is my favorite time of the year. (Other than the mating season for antelope.) Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones!

Now go get something (unsightly) and make it beautiful.

CCC

I have recently completed a 16-day immersion in cow culture. Upon further investigation, I have determined that cow culture is complicated. Not only do cows have a highly evolved social class system, but they actually practice shunning. A cow that commits adultery becomes known by the title, “Whore-Cow,” and is outcast from cow community. The “Whore-Cow” is also forced to bear a "W" on her chest.

Here are some other little known facts about cow culture:

1. Cow Porn, known to many as “moo-moo hardcore,” is the highest grossing industry in cow culture.
2. The most popular t-shirt among Goth cow teens, “Utterly Devastated.”
3. The most popular movie for cow pre-teens, “Cow School the Moosical.”
4. The term, “Half and half,” means something completely different to a cow prostitute.
5. Many, many cows long to run in the Kentucky Derby.
6. There are only 17 known copies of the Cow Bible.
7. Cow Pope (also known as Holy Cow) holds mass twice a week.
8. They generally find cow-tipping amusing and only chase tippers to get an autograph.
9. “Poo Poo Platter” means something different to Cow chef.
10. Gargamel is their archenemy.

Next up for me, my total immersion into toad culture. More on that in the weeks ahead.