As a single man in my late twenties, I feel inclined to outline a few rules for my married friends. (I should probably mention that nearly all of my friend's are married.) Therefore, in order to be respectful to me, here is all I ask of my married friends:
1. Don't talk to me about your sex life. I don't want to hear about how many times you had sex, where you mated, who was there, what toys were used, who watched, how long or how big. I don't care. If it continues, I will be forced to begin frequent discussions of my masturbation marathons at socially inappropriate times (in front of your family). Oh, I might do that anyway.
2. For Christmas, please don't expect gifts for you, your spouse, your twelve kids, and the family dog. I am not wealthy. I will have a discussion about the financial struggles of singleness in a later blog entry.
3. My life doesn't revolve around you or your schedule. One of the advantages of being single is the ability to come and go as I please. This doesn't mean that I will jump at the ten-minute window of opportunity that your wife gave you to hang out this week. I'm not that desperate to see you.
4. Go on dates with your spouses. My goodness, I rarely ever hear of or see my married friends going on dates. Get away and do something. Leave the kids, the dogs, the worries of everyday life and reconnect with one another. Just don't tell me about it if you choose to "reconnect" in that way.
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